The Hitman

This week my team of actioneers and I watched the movie "The Hitman". Usually with every film we see my attitude tends to be more on the negative side. This is no exception as far as quality and plot are concerned but, the fact of the matter is this film was just so god dammed entertaining.

Cast:

Chuck Norris: (Did not disappoint.) Garrett/Grogan
Michael Parks: (Norris's Partner) Ronny "Del" Delaney
Al Waxman: (Clishe fat Italian gangster......More Rush Limbaugh than Tony Soprano) Marco
Alberta Watson: (she is kind of a romantic interest for Chuck, but he knows not to let emotions get involved when there is work to be done.) Christine De Vera


Highlights:

I mentioned before that the film itself is a bit tough to follow as far as plot is concerned. It begins with two renegade cops on a stakeout. The first being the brawn: Garrett. (Chuck) The second being slightly less brawn: Del. These two are staking out some warehouse for some sort of illegal activity. I still do not know what exactly they are looking for. All the while the two seem to be playing a little game called lets see how many times can we place the word "fuck" in a sentence. It is at this point when Del says the two most ridiculous things in the film. Number one: "Its so cold my dick looks like a short stack of buttons". Number two: "I'm so horny I could Fuck mud". When these two statements were uttered I knew I was in for a Norris style good time. Now the two are sick of the cold and decide its time to call it a night. Just as they are about to leave Chuck notices a glimmer at the corner of his eye. That could only mean one thing. It's bad news for extras. Chuck and his partner decide to forgo backup and storm the warehouse. Now normally I would probably question this decision but, when the toughest SOB on the force is involved, I'm letting it slide. I let him go first though. Chuck kicks everyones ass with the most thunderous movie punches I have ever heard and then later meets up with Del. Del turns on Chuck and shoots him twice in the chest. A ridiculous stunt ensues that involves Chuck being blasted through a 3 story window onto the station wagon from Harry and the Hendersons. He ends up in a comma. I don't wanna meet the man who looks good after that.


Three years later Chuck is looking like his old self. He ends up living in Seattle working as a hitman for a gangster name Marco. Apparently it takes almost no time to establish a reputation as a hired assassin. I'm going to go ahead and assume that he just kinda fell into it. Oh, I almost forgot, he has changed is name to Grogan. What I find particularly strange about this new profession is that he does it part time. He also has a job hosting a local boys and girls club in his apartment. Now I don't mean to sound offensive or use stereotypes in any way but I am telling you, It looked like an extended version of one of those African American United Way Commercials.

The director (who happens to be Chucks brother Aaron Norris) seems to overuse the offensive stereotypes. He used an African American woman who works three jobs. An obese redneck who apparently moved to Seattle from Mississippi or some shit. On top of this offensive visual effect, he decided it would be a good idea to allow the abusive redneck to yell out racial slurs toward the African American woman's 10 year old son. Tastefully done........ehhhhh........I don't think so.



I final highlight involves the obvious final showdown between Del and Chuck. Del is taking out everyone in his way for control of the (I still have no idea) trade. He does know that Chuck is still a cop, he's just undercover. Prior to this Del thought he killed Chuck and his young friend in a firery bomb. This made things more personal than ever for Chuck. Now you tell me, who do you think has the edge? The finale takes place in where else: a wear house. Marco is bamboozled and killed by del after a deal for something illegal goes bad. Chuck then interrupts the party by blowing a truck sized hole in the wall with his over under barrelled hand shot gun. After he successfully takes down dozens of law breakers with his two shot weapon, he then finds Del. This is whats funny to me. Del is fucking stupid. Instead of fleeing the scene and living to fight another day, he decides to take on his bigger, stronger, more P.O. 'ed former partner head on. Chuck makes quick work of him and ties him up in a comically, Tim Burton, batmanish type of way. He leaves him hanging so he can later be arrested. Now here is the difference between the directing styles of Aaron Norris and Tim Burton. Aaron Norris knows this is his only shot and there will be no sequel. He ends it with a bomb attached to the chair in which the hanging villain was subdued. The bomb explodes and Del is dead. Chuck then leaves the viewer some one liner (ex." Ya missed one"). You know the movie is over. Tim Burton does the same thing, but has the audacity to think that people want to actually see more of his shit work. He leaves us hanging for a sequel. He's an asshole.

That is all I have for you this week. Please watch this movie. It has all the elements a true action fan would love. Let me know what you think of the film.